The Bhattacharjee Chronicles – III

The Bhattacharjee Chronicles – III

Note: This is the third installment of the Chronicles, delayed by a few weeks. The author confesses he was laid low by the blues generated by the Sino virus, the deadly pandemic from the Middle Kingdom. Creative thinking is rendered impossible during these attacks of acute depression. The author reassures his readers that he will do his best in the future to keep them informed of all major developments every fortnight. Stay glued to your computer screen.

The Former Bongo President of Sharat Desh, Pranam Bhaktjee, Had a Secret Pooja Room in the Presidential Palace Dedicated Only to Empress Mother Ponya Naino

The media in Sharatdesh was going bananas about a major discovery made by the country’s Archeological Survey of Lotusland (ASL) during one of its explorations. In the capital’s Presidential Palace, a.k.a. Rashtrapita Bhavan (RB), an exquisitely designed temple had just been unearthed by the venerable scientists of ASL. The temple, although not very big in size, had precious stones and gems of the highest quality, as well as white marble, the like of which is rarely seen these days. The entire structure blended very well with the grandiose design of the Palace constructed during the colonial rule of the European rulers of the subcontinent.

The former President (Pran baboo to his Bongo friends) after he was sworn in, wanted a special Pooja room in his new habitat in Tilli. The pooja room was to be constructed solely to honour Ponya Ma (a.k.a.Naino.), the ideological, spiritual and political patron of Pran baboo. The temple would have to be special in a number of ways – apart from its design grandeur, it had to be located in a secret spot, known only to the confidantes of Empress Ponya and Prandeb baboo (PB). It also had to be kept secret from the assorted Imams and mullahs who ran the country in tandem with the Empress. Initially, the engineers and architects of the country’s Central

Public Works Department (CPWD) who were tasked to carry out this job were flummoxed. However, they came out with an innovative and brilliant design that succeeded in meeting all the requirements of the former President.

The whole thing was so secret that it was not discovered for more than five years after Pran babu demitted office. However, the political fall-out is proving to be difficult for everyone. The maximum flak is understandably directed at Empress Ponya, Pran babu and their grand old Digress Party.  However, even the new PM, Barendra Rodi (BR / BaRo) of the Sharatiya Janata Party (SJP), has not got away unscathed. This is because BR, in one of his rare moments of intellectual laxity, had decided that Pran babu, after demitting the office of President, would be honoured with the Republic’s highest award, Sharat Ratna.

The rumour mills in the capital are speculating that BaRo might well direct his administration to slap a penalty on PB to meet the cost of renovating the Rashtra Pita Bhavan after the illicit temple is destroyed.

Windbag Sain Wanted to Give Doctorates to Ponya Naino, Begum Mamtaaz Bannerheim, Monty Ah-Loo -Wallah, Kapil Seeballs and Other Suitable Luminaries

Windbag Amrit Sain, who was awarded the title of Lord Senseless of Trinity Street, by the Pitish Head of State, Lizzy Saxe-Coburg Gotha (also called Elizabeth Windsor), was anointed as Chancellor of the Malanda University under the regime of the former PM, Maddenwhom Singer. The actual campus of this new university was in Tilli’s Indus International Centre, the core of the country’s decision-making structure, located in the elite Cousins’ Zone of the capital.

When BaRo and the SJP took over the country’s reins of administration in 2014, the silver-tongued and manic-spender Sain was unceremoniously ejected from his position. The secret papers unearthed by the national audit bureau disclose very interesting nuggets of information. Evidently, the windbag had decided to bestow honorary doctorates on the four giant intellectuals listed above. The awards ceremony would have been a glittering international event in the first quarter of 2014. 

Reportedly, Sain tried to persuade the President of the world-famous Harbour University (where he holds two Chairs) in Umreeka to give these honours to the dignitaries. Witnesses say that the President of the university threw Sain out of his office, accompanied by a string of choice expletives that are still doing the rounds in Harbour Square. 

The Lady from Picily in Europe and the three desis were pleased as punch when Sain had grandly announced the news a few years ago.  Fortunately, the entire razzmatazz was annulled when the SJP government under BaRo sent the Sain fellow packing. The ancient civilization of Sharat was given a much-needed reprieve.

However, one could never take Sain lightly. The national audit bureau has just discovered that the fellow had another card up his sleeve. In 1998, Sain had been awarded the Global Prize in Economics by the Royal Academy of Tweden. The SJP government that had a short tenure in Sharat in the late 1990s was led by a bumbling poet, A B Pajpayee (if you please). This fellow decided to award Sain the Sharat Ratna, the country’s highest honour. Not content with this, Pajpayee directed the country’s ailing national carrier Air Sharat to extend a Gold Pass to Sain. This enabled the high-flying fellow to travel First Class free for the rest of his life on any flight of the airline.

Sain has now asked the BaRo government to also give the Gold Pass to his present wife who is part of the famous Gothschild business family, whose last estimated net worth was around 800 billion in Umrikan dollars.  Sain has told the Sharat Government that his wife does not always get the kind of airline seats that she is used to. The babus in Tilli are still to get over their shock.

Begum Mamtaz Bannerheim, the Lider Supremo of the Province of Tongodesh in Eastern Sharat, Collapses After Drinking Red Label Tea and Eating Saffron

The Lider Supremo suffered convulsions after sipping Trooke Bond Red Label tea at an official function in Tilli, convened by the Federal Government to discuss the pandemic. The Begum had also eaten a potato sandwich enriched with saffron. She started frothing at the mouth during her subsequent interaction with the press, but since this was natural with her, no one realised that something was amiss. The Begum’s condition is now stable. She has vowed terrible revenge on the perpetrators of what she referred to as “yet another assassination attempt by the SJP’s hit squad, aided and abetted by the Marxists on this occasion”.

(NOTE: This is fiction. Therefore, It may not be possible to correlate the scenario described above with real-life situations).

Featured Image: The Economic Times

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Jay Bhattacharjee

Jay Bhattacharjee is an advisor in corporate laws and finance, based in Delhi. His other areas of interest include socio-political issues and military history. He has been a commentator and columnist from the mid-1990s